DEAR MAN: Using Objective effectiveness
- Describe the problem factually and without judgment
- Express your feelings about the problem. Emphasize “I feel” instead of “You make me feel” statements
- Assert yourself by stating exactly what it is you want as simply and clearly as possible
- Reinforce getting what you want by describing why the other person would benefit from helping you
- Mindful attention to own biases, intense feelings, invalidating others/self & urges to engage in problematic actions.
- Appear Confident by using eye contact skillfully, paying attention to body language, and tone of voice
- Negotiate terms by being willing to make a compromise, having a plan B ready to offer as an alternative
GIVE: Using Relationship Effectiveness
- Gentle manner even if you are angry. Strive to treat people with a degree of respect that reflects kindness
- Interested in others points. Pay attention to others ideas and show you are listening by nodding, eye contact, etc.
- Validate others thoughts/feelings/statement. Reflect back what others say without parroting & check facts
- Easy Manner in communicating. Maintain awareness to body posture; tone, volume and speed of voice; and smile
FAST: Self-respect effectiveness
- Fair in interpretations/negotiations. Strive to come to solutions that are mutually beneficial and ethical
- Apologies (no Apologies) Do not apologize for disagreeing if doing so contradicts your values.
- Stick to values by figuring out what your personal values are and not giving them up to appease others.
- Truthful communication, striving for honesty and authenticity in what and how you communicate with others.