DBT Peer Connections

Building Hope, Community and Skillful Means

Interpersonal Effectiveness: DEAR MAN GIVE FAST Skills At A Glance

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DEAR MAN: Using Objective effectiveness

  • Describe the problem factually and without judgment
  • Express your feelings about the problem. Emphasize  “I feel” instead of “You make me feel” statements
  • Assert yourself by stating exactly what it is you want as simply and clearly as possible
  • Reinforce getting what you want by describing why the other person would benefit from helping you
  • Mindful attention to own biases, intense feelings, invalidating others/self & urges to engage in problematic actions.
  • Appear Confident by using eye contact skillfully, paying attention to body language, and tone of voice
  • Negotiate terms by being willing to make a compromise, having a plan B ready to offer as an alternative

GIVE: Using Relationship Effectiveness

  • Gentle manner even if you are angry. Strive to treat people with a degree of respect that reflects kindness
  • Interested  in others points. Pay attention to others ideas and show you are listening by nodding, eye contact, etc.
  • Validate others thoughts/feelings/statement. Reflect back what others say without parroting & check facts
  • Easy Manner in communicating. Maintain awareness to body posture; tone, volume and speed of voice; and smile

FAST: Self-respect effectiveness

  • Fair in interpretations/negotiations. Strive to come to solutions that are mutually beneficial and ethical
  • Apologies (no Apologies) Do not apologize for disagreeing if doing so contradicts your values.
  • Stick to values by figuring out what your personal values are and not giving them up to appease others.
  • Truthful communication, striving for honesty and authenticity in what and how you communicate with others.

Author: Rachel Gill

I am a survivor on mission to synthesize balance from division, to find dialectical healing, learn to love what I am feeling, live in the now, show my peers how.

One thought on “Interpersonal Effectiveness: DEAR MAN GIVE FAST Skills At A Glance

  1. good to hear your positive journey


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